The Aftermath
by ErinMEC
Summary: A Jasia story. Twists and turns, leading the pair from frightening situations and near death experiences, to an unravelling court case. Starts the moment Zosia finds out Arthur has passed away. (*silently cries as I'm still not over it)
1. Chapter 1

She was empty. Yet she was also full of a feeling she hated. He was gone. She felt engulfed by the sudden realisation she would never see him again. Her phone dropped out of her hands and her knees buckled. She couldn't breathe. Everything was wrong, this wasn't supposed to happen yet. She felt even more alone than normal. She couldn't do this, not by herself. Just as she felt her body crumbling to the floor, someone was there. Holding her up. Pulling her close and sharing her burden.

Zosia didn't care who it was, she was just grateful to not be alone. She couldn't see, and as she tried to regulate her breathing she inhaled a familiar scent. A scent she had been around all day. A scent she associated with theatre. With an emotionless cold woman. Yet here was that so called emotionless woman holding her up, squeezing her tight, and reminding her she wasn't alone. There were so many thoughts running through Zosia's head, and although she knew it wasn't right, she felt her arms tightening around Jac. The woman who had been out to get her all day.

Arthur was gone. Zosia hadn't seen him all day. He'd been in the hospital and she hadn't made the effort to spend time with her friend. Instead she'd prioritised her career again. Zosia buried her head in Jac's hair, trying her hardest to stop the recurring thoughts of guilt and pain that were swallowing her up.

'Come on.' Jac's authoritative tone broke through the deadly silence in Zosia's head. Jac lifted Zosia to her feet, wrapped her arm around her waist and led her to her office. Once inside, she slowly sat Zosia down on the sofa, and turned to shut the door. When she looked back, Zosia had her head in her hands, tears streaming down her face. Jac sat next to her and placed her hand on Zosia's knee.

No matter how hard Zosia shut her eyes, she couldn't stop seeing Arthur's face, smiling and laughing. She would never see that again. Suddenly her bun felt too tight, like it was tearing her scalp. She pulled it out as quickly as she could and felt her hair fall to shield her face. Somehow she felt less exposed like this, hiding from Jac. The vibration of a phone startled her. Jac answered, and Zosia only caught parts of the short conversation.

'What?'

'No, that can't be right.'

'Shit.' This last one made Zosia look up. Jac looked defeated. She was avoiding eye contact, so Zosia knew it was bad. For the first time, Zosia initiated contact. She reached out and placed her hand on Jac's shoulder. They stayed that way for a while, then Jac turned to face Zosia. Unshed tears were pooled in her eyes, and she looked broken.

'It was the stent.' Zosia felt like she'd been punched. She felt sick. Like all the air had been sucked from her lungs. 'Zosia, I'm so sorry.'

Zosia stood, and started pacing, hands running through her hair. She needed to do something, just anything to occupy her hands. Looking around, she spotted the artificial model of the device that had killed one of her best friends. She grabbed it and lobbed it at the wall. It didn't break. How was it that throwing it at a wall wouldn't smash it, but making it do its job would lead to it breaking? There was no sense to it. No logic. Zosia needed logic. She needed to be able to find the reason, but there was none. Turning back to the sofa, she saw Jac doing exactly what Zosia had been doing earlier. Head in hands, hair shielding her face.

'Who told you?' Zosia spoke for the first time, in an accusatory tone.

'Sacha. He tried to operate, but it was everywhere.' Jac raised her head, speaking in a monotone voice.

Zosia wanted to leave, she wanted to go home. Back to the flat. His flat. She couldn't. It would be too difficult. But what could she do? Stay at the hospital?

'I-'

'You need somewhere to stay.' Jac interrupted her. Zosia nodded, impressed that Jac somehow read her mind. Jac stood. Grabbed her bag, keys and coat and went to exit, leaving Zosia stood in the middle of the room looking lost. 'Come on then.'

'Jac.' Zosia said, making Jac turn back. 'Thank you.' Barely audible, but still heartfelt.

Head down, Zosia followed all the way to Jac's car and got in. Today had quite possibly been the worst day in existence. Zosia still felt empty, but there was something else too. Looking to her right, seeing Jac driving them home, she felt a small flutter in her stomach, and wondered what all of this meant. One thing she knew for sure was that Jac was not emotionless and cold. That was purely a front. A front that no one ever saw disappear, yet tonight, Zosia had. It was strange, but Zosia only thought about it for a moment, before they drove past the peace garden and she was engulfed with memories of Arthur again. He was the kindest, nerdiest, loveliest person she had ever met, almost an antithesis of Jac. There she was again. Zosia shook her head, confused as to why during a time when she was so grief-stricken, was Jac Naylor constantly popping into her head.

'I just don't know.' She whispered, making Jac look at her.

'Me neither.' Jac admitted, sighing with sadness.

They were both confused, full of grief for different reasons, yet somehow they were trying to deal with it together. It was completely illogical, yet it made perfect sense to the two doctors, they were walking each other home.


	2. Chapter 2

Zosia felt numb. Here she was sat in her boss's house, surrounded by trinkets and pictures that reminded her that Jac was a real person. However she paid little attention to this. In fact she paid little attention to anything as she was still swallowed up by a mix of guilt and grief that Arthur was gone.

'Here.' Jac passed her a glass.

'What's in it?'

'Best not to ask.' Jac tipped her glass back and downed the substance. Zosia followed suit and managed to not grimace or gasp, enjoying the burning sensation at the back of her throat. Reminding her she was alive and could feel.

'Where's Emma?' Zosia asked, noting the tidy toy box in the corner, and stack of children's DVDs by the television.

'She's with her Dad at the minute. She'll be back tomorrow evening.' Jac stated, making it clear in her tone she missed her daughter dearly. 'I'm going to grab a shower, stick the TV on if you want.' Jac then stood and made her way up the stairs.

Just as Zosia reached to turn the television on she heard her name being called from upstairs. She made her way to the bottom of the stairwell and Jac threw a pair of pyjamas at her. It was only at this moment Zosia realised she was still in her scrubs.

'Thanks.' She called, and turned back to the living room. She quickly changed and then spent time folding her scrubs exactly the way Arthur had taught her. She only noticed the tears falling when one dropped onto the blue material, making a dark smudge. She reached for the remote and turned the television on, somewhat relieved to find her all time favourite programme on. Friends was her go to relaxing show, and she settled back into the sofa curling her feet under her, focusing entirely on the television. If she did this, she wouldn't have to think about Arthur.

Jac finished brushing her damp hair out, and made her way down the stairs. As she reached the sofa she sat down tentatively next to Zosia, unsurprised to find that she didn't move in the slightest. Eyes glued to the screen it was like she was in some sort of trance. Jac envied her in some ways. Whilst Zosia completely zoned out, or so it appeared, Jac could not get the thought of Arthur out of her head. Or more specifically the stent that had killed him. This was going to be disastrous. She wouldn't be surprised if it caused the backers to pull out. She turned to watch Zosia, and suddenly she felt guilty. The silent tears streaming down her face reminded Jac that whilst she was thinking how this had affected her career wise, Zosia had lost one of her closest friends.

Noticing the goosebumps appearing on Zosia's arms, Jac reached behind her and grabbed the blanket on the back of the sofa. She draped it over Zosia, and as she moved to sit back Zosia grabbed her arm, and gave it a gentle squeeze. Smiling slightly, Zosia said

'You know, I never had you pegged as a Friends fan.'

'Yes, well… It's perfect for switching off from everything else, and relaxing at the end of a tough day.' Jac replied, sitting back into the sofa. Realising she was now much closer to Zosia than she was when she first sat down. In fact, some of the blanket had ended up in her lap. Turning back to the screen she noted the episode they were watching. It was the one where they all played football on Thanksgiving.

Time passed, and they sat in the same position for the entire time. Zosia made herself as small as possible, legs tucked under her, arms crossed. Jac was more relaxed, arms in her lap, legs stretched out to the side. Zosia finally snapped out of her trance like state when she felt something resting on her shoulder. Looking to her left she realised Jac had fallen asleep. Fallen being the operative word. Her head was resting on Zosia's shoulder. Zosia was somewhat amused and somewhat saddened by the frown resting on Jac's face. She wondered if this was what she looked like each night, or if it was just the events of today causing it. Zosia unfolded her arms, and stretched as best as she could, causing Jac's head to fall from her arm to her chest. Zosia felt her cheeks redden, but marvelled at the turn of events. Not that she had thought about this ever happening, but somehow she felt it should have been the other way around? Zosia should have been falling asleep on Jac…

Zosia's eyes were heavy, and as she placed her left arm on Jac's shoulder she felt herself begin to fall into what she hoped would be a peaceful slumber. Although she doubted it very much.

A few hours later Jac stirred. Opening her eyes she was alarmed to realise her head was resting on Zosia, and somehow her arm had draped itself over Zosia's stomach, resting just under the hem of the pyjama top. Alarm bells were ringing out in her head as she looked up at Zosia. Those alarm bells disappeared as soon as she saw the look on Zosia's face. It was clear her sleep was not peaceful, her eyes were screwed up tight, and she was frowning, clutching at the blanket. Without realising, Jac began stroking Zosia's waist, shushing her gently. Slowly Zosia's facial features began relaxing, and the hand that had been clutching the blanket reached for the hand stroking her waist. Satisfied that Zosia was calmer Jac allowed her own eyes to shut again.

Comforting each other, the two women slept. To anyone they knew this would seem exceptionally weird, but to the pair it was just perfect. They were exactly what the other needed to get by. To survive the awful events of the day.


	3. Chapter 3

In the early hours of the next morning Zosia awoke from her fitful slumber. Jac was no longer resting against her. Zosia took a few moments to re-orientate herself before going on a wander. She had never been in Jac's house before. Under the stairs there was a door leading to a toilet, and next to the stairs was another door. This one was closed, but Zosia could see light pouring from underneath. She pushed the door open.

Sat at the kitchen table, Jac nursed a cup of what Zosia presumed was coffee, a laptop open next to her. Although Jac wasn't looking at the laptop. She was looking at the pictures lining the opposite wall. Photographs depicting Emma's life so far, from her birth up to a recent birthday.

'She looks just like you.'

Jac jumped and turned, looking at Zosia, almost embarrassed at being caught.

'Well let's hope her personality is a bit different.' Jac replied, in a slightly acidic tone.

'Oh I don't know…'

Jac raised her eyebrows at this, and reached for the coffee jug to refill her mug.

'Coffee?' She asked. Zosia nodded in reply, and took a seat opposite Jac.

'So…' Zosia started, but trailed off because she had no clue what to say.

'What?' Jac replied, back to her normal business like tone. Hard to take seriously as she was dressed in a purple silky dressing gown, but still harsh.

'I need to go back to my flat. Back to Dom and Ar-' Zosia stopped herself, almost choking, as a fresh wave of grief hit her. For a moment it seemed as if Jac was going to reach out to hold her hand, but instead she balled her hand into a fist and retracted it off of the table. 'Back to life.' Zosia finished, head down. She heard the other woman exhale deeply.

'You need clothes.'

'No don't worry, I can put my scrubs back on.'

'Look, go upstairs, grab something from my wardrobe. It's fine.'

Instead of trying to argue, Zosia felt it best to just accept gratefully.

'Thank you.' She left the table and headed up the stairs. Zosia felt completely strange entering her boss's bedroom. It was a spacious room, double bed, built in wardrobes with mirrors as doors. The far side of the room grabbed her attention. Under the window sat a very comfy looking sofa, and either side was a bookshelf stacked with so many books. A mix of medical journals, fiction, biographies, and quite a large collection of romance novels. The bottom shelves were allocated to all of Emma's stories. From the looks of it, their latest reading adventure had been Dr Seuss. This one laid on the sofa cushion on top of a blanket identical to the one adorning the back of Jac's sofa downstairs.

Zosia turned to open the wardrobe. She flicked through a selection of work clothes, but nothing really suited her. As she delved in deeper, she discovered a selection of skinny jeans and comfier tops. She pulled out a pair of black jeans, and a red top. This particular red top had a black cartoon drawing of the Queen of Hearts on. Chuckling slightly, Zosia removed her pyjamas and dressed. She wondered briefly about borrowing some underwear, but decided quite promptly that it would just be too weird, so kept her own on. Once dressed her attention wavered once again towards the bookcases. When Zosia had begun her training as a doctor she made a rash decision to throw all her novels away. A decision she dearly regretted. She reached for one particular book that had been her favourite, and took it from the shelf. She melted into the sofa cushions and read the first chapter. Tears began to fall again when she related her own situation to the one she was reading about.

A little while later Jac entered.

'Would you like me to drive you home?'

'Please.' Zosia replied, standing and following Jac down the stairs. 'Oh.' She exclaimed quietly, realising the book was still in her hands.

'You can borrow it if you'd like.' Jac smiled, passing Zosia her phone and shoes. Zosia returned the smile slightly, slipped her feet into her trainers and exited the house. The journey to Zosia's flat was relatively short, both women had never realised how close they lived to one another until this moment. They pulled up outside the flat and Zosia unplugged her seatbelt, breathing deeply. She wasn't sure if this was a good idea. She didn't know if she was strong enough to face all his possessions.

'Here.' Jac passed a folded piece of paper to her. Zosia gave a confused look to her boss. 'It's my phone number. So I can get my clothes back.' Zosia took it, still a little confused. She already had Jac's phone number. 'You already have my work number, but this is for when I'm not in the office.'

'Thanks.' Zosia whispered. Jac nodded and pursed her lips in typical Jac fashion. 'For everything.' She added a little louder. Without waiting for a reaction she opened the car door and entered her building. Leaving Jac sat a little perplexed in the car. The last twenty-four hours had been extremely odd. This time yesterday Jac had been in theatre with Zosia. Everyone thought she wanted Zosia to fail. This was not the case. The reason Jac was pushing her so hard was to show her that a career isn't everything. You still need a life to survive. Jac now had a sneaking suspicion that Zosia was aware of this. Yesterday had been a turning point for the both of them. Zosia realised she needed more than just the hospital, and Jac decided she wanted more than just the hospital.

Inside the flat Zosia was leant against the side reading over the note. The number had just been added to her phone, but what was keeping her focus was the words accompanying them.

\- P.S. Make sure you return the book. Enjoy… Jac x

Under the note was the book she had borrowed. Written by Cecelia Ahern, P.S. I Love You.


	4. Chapter 4

Zosia was confused. She was stood in the middle of Darwin, first shift back. Jac had just stormed past and slammed her office door. No hello, no acknowledgement of existence, nothing. It was two hours into her ten hour shift and Zosia was already tired of everything. The patients were all quite boring, nothing exciting. Ollie was away, she wasn't exactly sure where. He mentioned Mexico the other day, so maybe there. Strangely, this didn't annoy her as much as it should. Yes, the time they'd had together was special, and she did love him in one way or another, but something hadn't been sitting right for the last few weeks. Regardless of her Father's interference Zosia still felt their relationship was missing something.

Oh and another thing, Cara was working today. The little blonde bombshell with too much positivity. Zosia shook her head. You know sometimes you just need to accept the fact everything isn't going to be ok, but Cara had this awful 'everything is fine' attitude towards each aspect of her life. It's probably why she ended up snogging Ollie. He was constantly pestering Zosia to open up more, apparently that would make her feel better. Well Cara sure opened up for him…

She wondered if Jac was avoiding her. If she was going to pretend like the last two days hadn't happened. Her thoughts were interrupted however.

'Hello darling.' Zosia refrained from rolling her eyes as she turned to greet her Father.

'Dad.' She nodded, folding her arms across her chest.

'I'm ever so sorry about Dr Digby.' His eyes dropped as he placed a hand on Zosia's shoulder. 'I'm sorry I couldn't be there for you, I had a late surgery and well…'

'Dad, its fine. Don't worry.'

'It's not fine, you were left to deal with it all on your own, except Dom who I'd imagine wasn't much help considering everything…'

'I didn't need help? Besides, I wasn't with Dom.'

'Zoshie, you know lately you haven't been yourself. You shouldn't have been on your own at a time like that.' Zosia actually rolled her eyes at this. The concerned Father act was sickening.

'I wasn't on my own.'

'You weren't? Who were you with?'

'I was with-' She was about to say who it was, but retracted at the last minute. 'A friend.'

'Zosia-'

'Look Dad, did you actually want anything? Only I've got a lot to be getting on with without you interrogating me.' Zosia pushed past him and grabbed a stack of files to illustrate her point. She left her Father lost for words as she sauntered off down the corridor.

'You know she's stronger than you think right?' Jac stated, eyebrows raised, arms folded. She'd been stood nearby, watching the entire conversation between Father and Daughter. Guy just scoffed and followed the path of his Daughter out of the ward.

Zosia headed for the bathroom. She locked the toilet cubicle and sat on the cistern with her feet on the lid. Head in hands, she was ready for the tears to come. But nothing. Not one. Strangely, she hadn't cried since she'd been in Jac's presence. When she'd first found out Arthur was gone, she'd been almost dry heaving until Jac wrapped her up in her arms. Only then did the tears begin to flow. Suddenly the door to the ladies bathroom opened.

'Dr March, a word in my office please.' Zosia's stomach did a little flip at the sound of Jac's voice. The door swung shut, and Zosia exited her cubicle. She glanced at her appearance in the mirror and adjusted her ponytail slightly. Taking a deep breath, she made the journey to her boss's office and knocked.

'Come in.' Zosia entered. 'Close the door behind you.' Zosia did as instructed and moved to stand in front of the desk. Behind the wooden table Jac sat with her head rested on clasped hands. 'I just wanted to check in with you. You've had a tough few days and we can't afford any more mistakes.'

'I'm fine.' Zosia answered, hands clasped in front of her body. Jac raised an eyebrow. 'Well, I mean I'm doing as best I can. I could have done without my Dad accosting me earlier. Apparently I'm fragile or something…' Jac smirked at the woman rolling her eyes before her.

'You didn't say you were with me.' Sensing this was a statement more than a question, Zosia asked

'You heard?' Jac nodded. 'Do you really think that would have gone down well? He hates you.'

'He doesn't hate me.' Jac had risen from her seat and walked to the other side of her desk. She rested her bum on the side.

'Oh no Miss Naylor he does. Trust me. I'm pretty sure I've seen a little ginger voodoo doll sat on his desk.' Zosia's cheeks reddened when she saw the chuckle her boss gave.

'What about you?'

'What do you mean?' Zosia somehow felt the atmosphere in the room change drastically.

'What do you think of me?'

'Um… Well… I-'

'That good huh?' The image Zosia was seeing reminded her oddly of Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh. A deflated woman. Well, a deflated ego at least.

'I respect you.' Zosia felt this answer worked.

'Respect?' Jac stood to her fullest height, still slightly shorter than Zosia. 'The same way you respect Mr Hanssen?'

'Well what exactly do you want me to say?' Zosia asked, furrowing her brows, frustrated.

'The truth.'

'The truth? You want the truth?' Zosia double checked, unsure about how far she should take this, but getting fired up by the tension between the two of them. Jac nodded. 'Fine. You infuriate me at times. Your constant need to be the best and to uphold your ice queen status is insane. You're arrogant, you're somewhat self-absorbed, and you never ever spare anyone's feelings. First chance you get you go straight to the jugular in an argument.'

'Thank you.' Jac replied, half sarcastically. She shook her head and turned back to her desk.

'But you're a wonderful mother. You're intuitive and you are so intelligent it's actually quite intimidating. You put on a front all day, but when you get home you love nothing more than to put on your pyjamas and read a good book. Although most of the time you seem like you don't care about anyone, the other day proved you do. You knew I needed someone, and you knew I wouldn't be ok on my own. You made sure I was ok. That reassures me you actually care.' Zosia had taken a step closer to Jac, and reached out to touch her shoulder.

Jac turned slowly. Her face was unreadable, but Zosia could see something in her eyes. Some sort of longing, or desire. This was completely new territory for the both of them, their hearts beating fast.

'You didn't mean that.' Jac shook her head, shutting her eyes.

'I did. Every word of what I just said was one hundred percent true. The good and the bad.' Her hand reached out to touch Jac's jawline. Jac leaned into the touch and sighed.

'This isn't right.' She whispered.

'Then why does it feel this way?' Zosia murmured back, inching closer. It was like a game. Who would break first? Both moved closer and closer until their lips were barely apart. Jac's breath was heavy. Her stomach was doing summersaults and she was pretty sure she couldn't feel her feet. Even with Joseph nothing had felt this exhilarating. Their lips hadn't even met yet. She couldn't hold it in anymore. She closed the gap and placed her lips on Zosia's. Zosia responded by running both hands across her cheeks. It was bliss. Jac turned around and walked back until Zosia was resting against the desk. Her arms wrapped around Zosia's waist, as she peppered kisses up her jaw line. It was crazy, absolutely insane, yet it felt perfect.

It was Zosia who broke away. They stood almost panting, inches apart. They both felt absolutely exhilarated. They both felt odd, confused and apprehensive. In that moment, everything had changed.


	5. Chapter 5

'Shit.' Jac swore, as she ran her hand across her forehead, her face completely flushed.

'That bad?' Zosia asked, half serious. She took another step back creating space between the two of them.

'What? No! That was… Well… It was crazy.' Still seeing apprehension on her companion's face she added 'Good crazy.' Zosia gave a small sigh of relief and sat down on the sofa behind her.

'Very good crazy.' Zosia smiled, realising Jac's kiss was a million times better than any she had experience before. Not that the others weren't good kissers, just Jac had the ability to make her go literally weak at the knees, hence her being sat down right now. Jac began pacing slightly, obviously thinking things through. One thing they both knew for sure was they couldn't retract what had just happened. Not that either of them would want to anyway.

'I thought you didn't like me.' Zosia admitted.

'Zosia, I do like you. A lot. I don't really know what this all means though, and I'm not used to not knowing.' Jac slowly walked towards the sofa and placed her hands on Zosia's shoulders. Zosia parted her legs slightly, allowing Jac to wrap her arms around her neck. She looked up into the redhead's eyes as she laced her own hands around Jac's waist.

'If it helps, I have no clue either. I don't think I've ever felt confused like this before. I should be feeling sad and heartbroken but all I've been able to think about for the last few days is you.' The smile that stretched across Jac's face made Zosia's heart skip. She'd never seen emotion like this coming from her boss, except in regards to her daughter. The stayed that way for a few moments before Jac reluctantly let go.

'I have surgery in half an hour. I need to prep for it.'

Zosia frowned as she got up from the sofa.

'I should be done by one though, so how about we have lunch together?' This made Zosia smile, as she squeezed Jac's hand.

'Ok. I'll meet you in the staff room then. Have fun!' She gave a cheeky little wave as she left the office.

Jac stood in the middle of the room grinning like a Cheshire cat.

A few hours later the pair were sat either end of the sofa, legs up, enjoying a portion of chips. Somehow Zosia had convinced Jac to eat unhealthily for once, and it was safe to say she was enjoying it immensely. Jac had tomato sauce in the corners of her mouth and in Zosia's opinion she looked very cute.

'Can you pass my phone please?' Zosia asked. Jac obliged, accidently knocking the power button revealing Zosia's screensaver. It was a picture of Zosia, Arthur and Dom in the middle of a woods somewhere. Jac smiled at the picture. 'It was a couple of months ago. After the team building thing Hanssen made Dom and Arthur do, Arthur gained a sudden urge to be at one with nature. Naturally he dragged us along too, and we spent about four hours lost in a forest.' Zosia laughed sadly at the memory. Jac placed the palm of her hand on Zosia's knee, stroking it gently.

'How are you feeling? Really?'

'I'm coping. I know the funeral is going to be tough, and I wish I'd made the effort to spend more time with him. I really do.'

'I'm sorry. If I hadn't been pushing you so much I might have realised that you actually needed to spend time with the people you loved.'

Zosia very nearly replied that she had spent time with someone she loved, but stopped herself, not wanting to scare Jac.

Jac's phone started to ring, and the pair had to rummage around on the sofa for a while before Zosia retrieved it from under a cushion.

'Hello?'

'Jac? It's Sacha. Where are you?' Sacha's voice sounded panicked.

'Why?'

'I don't want to worry you…'

'Sacha what is it? Spit it out.'

'The hospital is being evacuated. According to security someone is in possession of a gun, and they can't find where the guy's gone.' Jac sat up.

'You're serious?'

'Jac I wouldn't lie about something like this. You need to get out.'

'Ok we'll meet you outside.'

'We?' Jac hung up without responding to that.

'We need to leave, apparently there's some maniac with a gun roaming the corridors.' Jac explained to her brunette companion. Zosia was nearer the door and reached it first. She was just about to open the door when she recognised someone on the other side. His back was facing them, but there was no mistaking who it was, or the metal contraption hanging by his side. She pushed Jac back and turned the lock in the door.

'What was that for?' Jac scolded, rubbing her arm.

'He's outside.'

'Who?'

'The guy with the gun.' Jac's eyes widened as Zosia moved further into the room. 'It's Seb. The psychiatrist that was based here not long ago.' Zosia's hands were shaking, she couldn't understand what was happening. Last she'd heard Seb was flying to New York, yet here he was, brandishing a gun not even 20 metres away. He was there to see her. It must have been the reason. He wouldn't be standing in the middle of Darwin for anyone else. It was only her. Zosia felt her stomach drop, and her knees start to shake.

'The one you…?' Jac asked, her complexion even paler than normal.

'Yeah. Shit! What are we supposed to do?'


	6. Chapter 6

**I would just firstly like to say this chapter was hard to write. Over the weekend Orlando has suffered awfully, and my thoughts continue to be with the families and loved ones of the deceased and injured.**  
 **That being said, this story will continue, and I hope you continue to enjoy reading it.**

The pair of women had sat themselves against the wall adjacent to the door. They sat close together and had linked hands. It had been ten minutes since they'd received the phone call from Sacha, and since then they had sent several texts to people outside letting them know their situation. Although the responding texts had reassured them the police were on the scene, it was of little comfort to the two doctors who were sat only a few metres away from a loaded gun.

Outside the hospital the staff of Keller, Darwin and AAU had grouped together worried for their colleagues.

'They've locked the door and are keeping as quiet as they can.' Sacha notified his friends, after reading his latest message.

Considering it had only been a couple of days since they'd lost Arthur, the team were all notably quiet.

'Is it definitely that psychiatrist guy?' Mo asked, still wearing her scrubs. Her surgery had been interrupted by the evacuation and the patient had been sewed back up without having his procedure done.

Sacha just nodded in reply and went to stand next to Essie. Dom was stood on his own, arms crossed tightly across his chest, face pale. He didn't think he'd be able to deal with his two best friends passing so close together. He shook his head, trying to get the thought out of his mind. Zosia wasn't dead. She was very much alive and was going to stay that way.

Back in the staffroom on Darwin Jac's brain had been whirring away, trying to come up with a plan of sorts. It wasn't fool proof, but it was something. Besides, Jac thought, nothing is fool proof when there are loaded weapons involved. She moved to get up.

'What are you doing?' Zosia whispered, grabbing Jac's arm.

'Listen, it could be hours until we get out of here. There are two of us and one of him. I'll go out first, turn him around to face away from the door, then when I say something about psychiatry being a grey area, you come out. He'll turn, I'll move in and grab the gun and we'll be sorted.' Jac muttered, crouching on the balls of her feet.

'Oh and where exactly did you master the skill of disarming someone?' Zosia asked incredulously.

'When you've worked at this place as long as me, you realise the chances of being in a life or death situation are significantly higher here than at another NHS institute. Proactive people like me, do something about it and learn to defend themselves.' Without waiting for a reply Jac stood went to the door. 'We'll be fine. I promise.'

Wondering if she'd just done the stupidest thing of her entire life, Jac opened the door and walked out. Seb turned with the gun poised.

'What the hell is going on?' Jac stood with hands on her hips, trying to stop her hands from shaking. Getting no reply from him, she added 'What are you doing on my ward?'

'Where's Zosia?' He demanded.

'Who?'

'Zosia March.'

'Oh, Dr March. She hasn't been in this week. She lost someone close to her a few days ago, and has been granted some leave.'

'She's not at home.'

'Look, all I can tell you is that she isn't here. I don't make a habit of stalking my staff, what they get up to out of hours is their business. Who are you?'

'Seb Coulter.' He lowered the gun slightly, Jac could clearly see he was having second thoughts.

'Ah the psychiatrist.' Jac snorted slightly. 'I don't believe we've had the pleasure of meeting before. Jac Naylor, Clinical lead, Consultant, Cardiothoracic Surgeon. What do you have? A BA in psychology?' Jac folded her arms and began walking slowly around the ward.

'She's not here?'

'Well done. You've just proved what I've thought all along. Psychiatrists just aren't as intelligent as regular doctors. No Dr March is not here. She hasn't been here for days. So I suggest you leave. Go back to your airy fairy mind meddling.' By now Jac was directly opposite the door to the staffroom.

'I need to see her.'

'Why?'

'I was doing fine in New York, had a decent job, saw more of my family, it was great. Then I saw the articles about the information leak here, so I did some research and found a picture. A picture of her and that man, all loved up. It made me sick. He doesn't love her like I do, he can't make her happy.' Seb was clutching the gun as tight as possible, his face was white and his eyes wide.

'Dr March does not have a boyfriend at the moment.' Jac stated. 'So you just saw this picture, jumped on a plane and came here without even researching properly? Dr March has been single for the last month. Of course, you'd know that if you'd bothered to check. No wonder psychiatry is such a grey area. No one ever researches properly.' There. She'd said it. She glanced over Seb's shoulder and saw Zosia exit the staffroom.

Whilst Zosia had been listening to the conversation between Jac and Seb, she had sent a message to Dom explaining what they were going to do, and asking for the police to be ready to enter as soon as they got the gun.

'Seb.' Zosia said apprehensively. Seb whipped around and stared disbelievingly at the woman.

'You?' He whispered, before turning and roaring. 'You!' He brandished the gun towards Jac whose face was panic stricken. 'You lied.' He croaked menacingly.

Dom stood outside pacing the pavement. The police had entered the building at long last and by the lack of reply to Dom's last text to Zosia, he presumed things were happening. He looked up at the sky thinking about Arthur. If Arthur were here he'd be doing exactly the same thing as Dom. Pacing, wondering and hoping. Dom didn't want to be left alone. He needed Zosia to be ok.

Then it happened. The unmistaken sound of a bullet being fired. It ripped through the silence outside and made every single person's stomach drop.


	7. Chapter 7

Silence. Dom couldn't hear anything. Had his senses gone into shock? Or was it really this quiet? He opened his eyes as much as he could, as if this would help him hear well. He didn't know what had happened beyond a shot being fired. The silence was deafening. Sacha was holding Essie close, staring at the entrance whilst Mo was sat on the kerb biting her nails. It was minutes before anything happened. The doors parted and police officers were escorting Seb towards an awaiting car. Both officers had grim looks on their face. They were giving nothing away, but none of the medical staff could mishear the phrase uttered by one uniformed man to the commanding officer.

'One known casualty.'

Mo stood and went to enter, but found an officer blocking her way.

'For goodness sake! You've got the man now, let me in.' She yelled, physically trying to push past. 'I am a medical professional and you have a casualty in there needing assistance. Let me through.' Seeing the nod from the commanding officer the man moved aside, letting Mo, Dom, Sacha and Essie through. None of them bothered with the lift, instead they all raced up the stairs.

Mo crashed through the doors to Darwin and found one of her colleagues engaged in a screaming fight with another policeman.

'She needs urgent medical care, and I am an extremely capable doctor. Get out of my way.'

'I'm sorry miss, but you have just witnessed a horrific event I cannot allow you to help.' Although the officer meant well, it was completely aggravating to the doctor. Mo looked beyond these two and what she saw made her heart plummet.

There in a pool of blood, unconscious, surrounded by a halo of golden hair, laid the strongest woman Mo had ever come across. A woman who up until this moment, Mo had never seen look innocent and small.

'Oh Jac.' She whispered.

'Look! More doctors! Now get the hell out of my way!' Zosia screamed, finally succeeding. She went straight for Jac's body, knelt beside her head and began stroking her hair. At this moment she did not care that there were four people staring at what she was doing with confused expressions, she just needed to keep contact with Jac.

'Zosia, where was she shot?' Mo asked.

'Stomach.' Zosia could barely speak, she could feel Jac's body temperature dropping and could sense the urgency in Mo's voice. Mo pulled up Jac's blood soaked scrubs to reveal a mess. 'Sacha we need theatre now. Get Mr Hanssen.'

'I'll go.' Essie shouted as she exited the ward. Sacha grabbed a trolley and with Dom's help lifted Jac.

'Zosia we need to go now. Stay here with Dom.' Mo ordered, steering the Trolley in the direction of the operating theatre. Zosia wondered briefly about arguing, but knew she was in no state to operate, and Jac would kill her if she did. If Jac survived.

'You need to change Zosia, you're covered in blood.' Dom patted her shoulder, and steered her towards the staffroom. She saw the unfinished chips on the table and balked.

'I can't go back in there.' She shook her head and turned to face away from it. Dom just nodded and went in. A few moments later he was back with clothes in his hand.

'New top?' He commented. Zosia realised it was the Queen of Hearts one from Jac.

'I borrowed it.' She choked, taking the clothes from Dom and heading for the ladies. When she came out she noticed the police tape being put across the door. Dom approached her after finishing his discussion with the police officer she had screamed at previously. She knew what was coming.

'I am not leaving this ward until Jac gets out of theatre.'

'Zosia, it's a crime scene.'

'I witnessed the crime, they need me here. Don't try and make me leave Dom.' the male doctor raised his hands in defeat.

'Look I won't make you leave, but you may need to persuade Mr Twat face over there.' He gestured towards the Policeman. Zosia just folded her arms and stared him down. The officer looked like he was going to argue for a moment, but nodded in the end. It was at this moment Mr Hanssen entered the ward, scrubbed in, already heading for the theatre. Essie trailed behind, out of breath slightly. He stopped in front of them.

'I will do everything in my power to make sure Miss Naylor is ok.' He nodded to each of them before storming ahead towards the ominous double doors. Essie then told them both she was going to let the other members of staff know what had happened.

Dom and Zosia sat on the floor, legs stretched in front of them. Dom reached into his pocket and handed Zosia something. Zosia lowered her eyes and saw a little figurine.

'It was Arthur's. It's been with me since he died. It's like I have a little piece of him in my pocket wherever I go. But now you need him more than me.' Dom folded Zosia's hand around the tiny toy.

Zosia was lost in her own thoughts. Jac was without a doubt the most incredible person she had ever met. She was insanely clever, and yet she had miscalculated the situation so badly. Over the last few days Zosia had discovered the person behind the ice queen front, and was amazed by what a genuine yet insecure woman Jac was. She wasn't perfect, but neither was Zosia. It was their flaws that drew them together in the end. Zosia needed Jac.

Well over an hour later Mr Hanssen re-entered the ward. Zosia and Dom both stood.

'We removed the bullet successfully. However, Miss Naylor lost a significant amount of blood, and there were complications. The bullet managed to enter the same area in which she had surgery after a bike crash a few years ago, and we had to remove fragments of one of her ribs. Her condition is now stable, but we won't understand the significance of her injuries until she awakens.' Professional as ever, Mr Hanssen explained everything and told them Jac would be moved to a private room in due course.

A few minutes later Zosia headed towards the private room and met Mo outside.

'She's not awake yet, but you can sit with her.' Mo placed a comforting arm across Zosia's shoulders, not entirely sure of what was going on between the two doctors, but understanding Zosia needed to be with her. Zosia offered a small smile and entered. Jac's mane of hair had been pulled back and she seemed to be swallowed up by tubes and devices. Zosia sat beside her and reached for her hand. She squeezed it gently and sat back. Jac wasn't awake yet, but she was alive, and that was all Zosia cared about. She wasn't alone.


	8. Chapter 8

Jac felt warm. Her head hurt, and there was a shooting pain running through her stomach. Her eyelids felt heavy as she tried to lift them. It took several attempts, and when she finally managed she was greeted by the interior of a Holby City Hospital private room. As she had figured out where she was she shut her eyes again. Trying to work out what had happened. The warmth Jac was feeling was centred around her left hand. This seemed strange, but as she moved her hand slightly, she felt a weight of sorts in it. Curious, she opened her eyes and turned her head slightly to the left.

'Dr March, why are you holding my hand?' She croaked, clearly confused. Due to the fact Jac had only just opened her eyes she had failed to notice Zosia was fast asleep. 'Dr March.' She said a little louder, this time enough to arouse her sleeping colleague.

'You're awake!' Zosia exclaimed, smiling widely. 'Thank god.' She squeezed Jac's hand tight. Jac pulled her hand away, tucking it under the sheet.

'What are you doing?' She asked again.

'What do you mean?' Zosia's tone had become scared and apprehensive.

'Why were you holding my hand?'

'You don't remember?' The younger woman looked defeated. She sat back in her chair, and tried to stop the tears from forming in her eyes.

'Remember what? Why am I here?' Jac was getting frustrated now, her voice was getting louder, and it attracted the attention of Mo. 'Ah Mo, can you please explain to me why I'm in here?' Jac was eyeing Zosia with a perplexing gaze.

'Jac you were shot. You know, hence the big dressing on your stomach?' Mo explained, slightly confused but putting it down to the anaesthetic wearing off. Jac lifted her sheets and was greeted by a large bandage across her stomach.

'She doesn't remember.' A small voice piped up from the corner of the room. Mo hadn't seen Zosia sat there, but was alarmed to see tears on her cheeks.

'Jac what month are we in?'

'June.'

'Who's prime minister?'

'David Cameron.' Jac was rolling her eyes as she answered, she remembered everything perfectly well, except the event causing her wounds. Her hand instinctively went to the back of her head as pain centralised there. Mo moved forward to look and was surprised to find an egg.

'Did you know she'd hit her head?' Mo directed the question to Zosia.

'No, but it all happened so quickly. She was near a desk when she fell, so it's entirely possible. To be honest I was more concerned with the gunshot wound.'

'Will you two stop talking as if I'm not here? I can remember everything perfectly well.'

'Really?' Mo questioned sarcastically. 'Who shot you?'

'I'm still working on that.' Jac muttered after a few moments.

'I'll be back in a minute.' Mo exited the room. Jac pushed herself up slightly in bed and turned to see Zosia stand. A sense of recognition struck her.

'Why are you wearing my top?' Accusation lacing her voice.

'Do you honestly not know?' Zosia was floored. 'What is the last thing you can remember?' Jac thought for a while, racking her brains. She recalled putting Emma to bed and reading Dr Seuss, but what had she done at work? Ah that's right, she'd successfully performed the stent on Dr Digby and he was almost ready to be discharged.

'The last thing I remember here was telling Dr Digby he was going to be discharged, because the stent was performing the way it should have been.' Jac said confidently, sure she'd got that right. That must have been yesterday, and then this morning she couldn't recall because she was in shock or something. Looking at the young doctor she was shocked to see Zosia running her hands through her hair, pacing and clamping her eyes shut.

'That was four days ago.'

'Oh well, I'm sure I haven't missed much.' Jac was a bit annoyed with herself that no memories were returning.

'Arthur's dead.' Zosia stated bluntly, she could barely deal with her emotions as it was, she didn't need to start feeling even sadder about Arthur as well. 'The stent burst.'

Jac was lost for words. She opened her mouth but nothing came out. Her stent had killed a man that they all knew. She glanced at Zosia, aware of the fact she was close with him.

'I'm sorry for your loss.' She finally blurted out.

'Seriously? That's it?' Zosia raised her voice as she turned back to face the redheaded woman.

'I'm sure Arthur was glad to spend his last few hours with you and all the other people he loved.' Jac said diplomatically, still reeling from the revelation she had killed a man, albeit somewhat indirectly.

'I wasn't with him when he died. I didn't spend the last few hours with him.' Zosia was angry. With herself and with this whole situation, but she was finding it hard to settle this anger on the woman in front of her. 'I was here. On Darwin. Working my arse off for you, trying to prove myself.' Jac looked shocked. Zosia needed to leave. She was feeling suffocated by this whole situation, and she needed to breathe fresh air. She ripped the top off she was wearing, silently grateful for the vest she had on underneath, and chucked it on the bed.

'Have your shirt back.' Zosia then stormed from the room, tears falling, slamming the door behind her. Jac was mesmerised by the t-shirt. The one that was normally shoved at the back of her wardrobe. She was getting the strangest feeling of déjà vu in regards to the conversation she'd just had with Zosia. She was almost certain Zosia had told her before about working her arse off, but Jac couldn't place the memory anywhere. Something felt completely wrong with the whole situation. It was clear more had happened in the four days Jac couldn't recall, and she hoped more than anything these things would return. She was confused, and if Jac Naylor hated anything, it was the sense of confusion. Of not being in control. She picked up the t-shirt to begin folding it, and caught hold of a scent that wasn't her own. It was however, a scent she recognised but couldn't place. Jac was utterly lost.


	9. Chapter 9

There were five empty shot glasses sitting on the bar. Zosia assessed her situation, and was amused to find it sounding like the start of a nursery rhyme. She started humming an incoherent tune as she checked her phone. Nothing. Well, that was a lie, there were two missed calls from Dom, but nothing from the person she wanted to hear from. She sighed as the barman placed another shot in front of her. With a pinch of salt and a bite of lemon she downed her 6th tequila of the night.

'Zosia! I've been looking for you all over.' Dom cried as he entered the bar, spotting his friend propped up on a bar stool. 'Please tell me that isn't tequila.' Zosia just grinned back at him. 'Come on, up you get. We're going home.' He tried lifting her up, but found a dead weight in his arms.

'Why? Why should I leave? My life is well and truly down the shitter… The one person that makes me happy has conveniently forgot I exist and my best friend is dead. That entitles me to as much tequila as I want.'

Dom was not taking no for an answer, and ended up with Zosia's arms draped around his neck as he practically dragged her outside, into an awaiting taxi.

'Look, I get Ollie has swanned off again, but he does care about you, I promise! I should know… I'm on the other side of the wall when he stays over.'

Zosia just snorted, she didn't want to explain that it wasn't Ollie she was talking about. She just wanted to forget the last few weeks had happened. Her head was spinning, and she was annoyed at Dom. She was one shot away from being at her favourite stage of intoxication. The stage where everything is ok, and even the bad elements of your life are alright. She crossed her arms and slid down in her seat.

'Very mature.' Dom mused, shaking his head. 'Also, you weren't Arthur's only best friend.' He added quietly.

This did it. Zosia's shoulders began to shake, and her breathing became irregular as she tried to fight the sobs escaping.

'I – know – I – I'm – sorry.' She managed to get out between sobs. 'Everything's going wrong!' She cried into her friend's shoulder for the entire journey home. Dom helped her up the stairs into their flat, and laid her down on her bed. Zosia snuffled as he removed her shoes and placed her duvet across her. Zosia noticed the copy of 'P.S I Love You' Jac had lent her. She'd finished it earlier that same day. Feeling angry she grabbed it and lobbed it across her bed.

'Jesus what did that book ever do to you?!' Zosia hadn't realised Dom was still in the room.

'It gave me unrealistic hope, that's what.' She mumbled into her pillow.

'Sweet dreams, gorgeous girl.' Dom switched off the light as he exited.

The next morning Zosia awoke to the sound of her alarm. She groaned at the thought of another day in her dreadful life, but begrudgingly got in the shower and made herself presentable for work. As she went to leave her room she noticed the discarded book on her floor. Having a sudden brainwave she picked it up and put it in her bag. Maybe, just maybe, Jac would remember.

Arriving at the hospital a few minutes before her shift was due to begin she rushed to the room Jac had been allocated. Peering in she saw the woman herself was sat up reading a newspaper. Taking a deep breath she entered.

'Hi.'

'Dr March.' Jac looked up from her paper and peered over the edge of her glasses.

'How are you feeling?'

'Like I've been shot.'

Zosia hid a smile as she pulled the novel from her bag.

'I wanted to return this.' She placed the book on the table drawn across Jac's bed. The redheaded woman glanced at the title.

'That's not mine. I don't read those type of books.' Jac folded her arms and raised her eyebrows. Zosia scoffed.

'Oh really? So that shelf full of them in your bedroom is for Emma is it? What and the Dr Seuss for you?' Zosia felt hope as she saw the colour drain from Jac's face. 'You let me borrow it, the day after Arthur died.' Jac was shaking her head in disbelief. This time it was Zosia's turn to fold her arms and raise her eyebrows. A full minute passed by before Zosia turned and waltzed out of the room. Sure it wasn't exactly the movie ending she'd hoped for, but hopefully she'd planted the seed of realisation in Jac's mind.

Jac thumbed the book and knew at once it was hers. The corners were still folded in on her favourite chapters. Why was nothing in her brain clicking? She hated this. Why could she still not recall the last few days? Was she being punished? She sighed as the door to her room opened.

'Trust me I don't want to be here either.'

'Why the hell are you here?' Jac rolled her eyes as Guy Self strolled in.

'Mo called, apparently you are having trouble recalling the last few days. As a neuro specialist she wanted me to check in with you. Let's make this quick shall we? What is the last thing you remember?'

'The day before Dr Digby passed away. I didn't know that had happened.'

'Do you recall how you sustained the injury?'

'No.'

'Do you remember putting my daughter's life in danger by letting a crazed man near her with a loaded weapon?' Guy was scowling as he jotted down notes on a clipboard.

'Dr March is a grown woman. I don't remember a thing, but I am sure it was her decision to put herself in, for want of a better phrase, the firing line.'

'Well the CT you've had done doesn't show any internal bleeding or fractures, so I'm afraid there isn't anything I can do to help.' Jac couldn't help but notice Guy didn't look particularly sad about this. 'You'll just have to wait it out.' With that, he strode out of the room, leaving the door swinging behind him. God, Jac really despised that man. She could never understand how he was related to Zosia. They were polar opposites. With nothing better to do, Jac opened her copy of 'P.S. I Love You' and began to read. As she turned the page she got a waft of the scent she had smelled the night before. Something was there. A nagging thought at the back of her mind, she just couldn't place it yet. Only time would tell.


	10. Chapter 10

AHHHH CHAPTER 10. This is a milestone for me, I've never written anything this long! Crazy! Anyway, I'm trying to incorporate canon storylines into this, but excluding certain elements. For example I didn't use Jac telling Ollie about the grief shag in theatre, although that is entirely plausible for a Jasia story, just not this one. So yeah, enjoy part 10 y'all!

Jac was stood in the centre of Darwin. It was her first day back. All was normal, everything seemed calm and perfectly still. She had not seen Zosia in over a week. Today would change that. Jac just had to try and stay professional. She knew there were things she wasn't aware of. Mo kept on giving her odd looks, and Sacha had interrogated her about why she had been with Zosia just prior to being shot. Jac obviously had no idea, and made up something about working on the press release for the stent together. She was pretty certain he had not bought a word of what she had said. It was half an hour into the day shift and it all seemed exceptionally quiet. Jac walked through a set of swinging doors and found Mo.

'Miss Effanga.' Jac caught her attention. 'A word please.' Mo walked from the patient she had been observing.

'Yeah?'

'Dr March is late. When she arrives tell her I'll be expecting a decent excuse.'

'Wait, no one told you?' Mo placed her hands on her hips and frowned with concern.

'Told me what?' Exasperated, Jac waited for a response. Mo bit her lip slightly and lowered her voice.

'It's the funeral today. If burying your best friend isn't a decent excuse I don't know what is.'

Jac closed her eyes and exhaled, bringing her right hand up to rest on her forehead slightly. She nodded and turned to leave.

'Do you still want to see her?' Mo shouted as she left, causing Jac to pause and think.

'No. If anyone needs me I'll be in my office working through the mountain of press reports I need to get sorted before the stent release next week.' Jac replied, decisively, strategically making it so that she would not have to face Zosia at all today.

Except it seemed the world had other plans for Jac Naylor. First it was her pager going off like crazy, then her phone rang. Hanssen's name appeared on the display.

'A major incident has been declared, it appears a train has crashed, multiple casualties, severity unknown. Everyone needs to be prepared, and ready for the first ambulances to arrive. I'm on my way to the hospital now.' Jac processed all of this.

'Wait, aren't you supposed to be at a funeral right now?'

'Arthur would understand. Right now, Holby needs us more. I shall see you shortly.' With this, Hanssen hung up, leaving Jac facing a curious Mo.

'Major incident, train crash. Call Dr Valentine and anyone else not in already. We don't know what we are going to be dealing with.' Jac ordered, slipping into her Consultant persona. Mo nodded and headed off whilst Jac ordered the nurses to start clearing beds. Chances were they were going to need every space they could get.

About an hour later everything was manic. Each and every bed was taken up by a patient, the separation by department and injury having gone to pot when the hospital realised just how many casualties there were. Jac was currently dealing with a man who had just sprained his wrist and bumped his head.

'I want to be seen by a proper doctor. I have not received a diagnosis. This treatment is absolutely horrendous.' Jac was extremely close to losing her rag.

'Well, lucky for you I am the best doctor in this hospital. I can confirm what every single nurse that has spoken to you has said. You have a minor sprained wrist and you bumped your head. You have leaflets and a prescription for pain medication. Right now you are taking up valuable bed space in my ward. So I suggest you get up and leave as there are several people outside these doors that are much sicker than you.'

'Oh yeah? Who's going to make me? I need to stay here.' The patient had folded his arms and spoke in a tone that Jac found increasingly unpleasant. She was just about to reply with a few choice words when she was interrupted.

'I suggest you do what she says. Miss Naylor is quite right, you are taking up a bed that right now needs to be used to save other people's lives. Now you need to get up, and walk through those doors before we call security and make you. We are giving you the choice of walking out with your head held high, or you can be dragged out looking like a complete idiot by several men who are not only twice the size of you, but also by the sounds of things, twice as intelligent as you.' Zosia spoke in an authoritative tone, as she stood by Jac. 'The next time we come in this room you need to be gone.' The two women turned and left. Although Jac was somewhat surprised to see Dr March back so soon, she was also well aware she would have done exactly the same.

'I was just about to say that you know.' Jac turned to Zosia, a little discontented that Zosia had stolen her chance to get angry. Zosia just raised her eyebrows, imitating the move Jac had done so many times, picked up a file and headed off in search of a patient.

Six hours, five cups of coffee and three emergency surgeries later, Jac was heading out of the main entrance. Today had been long and hard, but she was grateful for it. Being constantly busy meant she didn't have time to stop and think. To stop and remember she still didn't know what had occurred before the shooting. Looking to the left she spotted a duo hugging. Only when she realised it was Zosia did she feel uncomfortable. Why was it she felt this way? Dr March was a colleague. Nothing more. She took a deep breath and headed towards the carpark, helmet in hand. Zosia blushed slightly as she saw her approaching.

'Goodnight Miss Naylor.' Head bent, so Jac couldn't read her expression.

'You did well today. I know it can't have been easy for you, coming in, but I'm grateful you did.' Zosia was surprised by the compliment, it was the first proper interaction the pair had had since the morning Zosia had given back Jac's book.

'Thank you. But I was only doing my job. The same as everyone else was. The world can't stop turning for one funeral. Life must go on.'

'Goodnight Zosia.' Jac smiled briefly, with a slight hint of kindness in her eyes. A rarity. With that, she moved on towards her bike. Zosia went in the opposite direction unable to stop the flutter of hope in her stomach. Jac had called her Zosia. That was the first time her proper name had been uttered by Jac since before the shooting. Things were changing, even if only very slightly.


	11. Chapter 11

It was over. Jac was finished. Someone within her team had betrayed her. Someone had lost her the chance to make a name for herself in the cardiothoracic world. That person was going to pay. She headed for the nurses station in the centre of the ward.

'Who was it? Who told?' Jac demanded, her eyes burning with fury. She waited for a response from someone, but each member of staff was looking anywhere but at her. 'Well? I'm waiting.'

'Jac, we are just as cut up about this as you are. Do you really think-' Ollie started, but he was cut off.

'I don't recall any of you being publicly humiliated in front of a bunch of cameras and reporters.' She stared acidly towards the blue eyed doctor, daring him to contradict her again. He did not. So Jac stormed off through the doors heading for the lift. She jabbed the button and waited for the doors to part. Behind them stood a man that made Jac want to turn back around. Of course she didn't, she hopped right in, plastering a fake expressionless emotion across her face.

'How was the press conference?'

Jac ignored the horrid man as best she could, staring directly ahead.

'I'll take the silence as a resounding no.' Guy continued, a smarmy grin gracing his lips. 'Well that is a shame. It always is when you discover distrust amongst your team. That is the exact reason I don't trust anyone.' This made Jac turn her head slightly, examining the expression on her nemesis' face. She couldn't say anything. It would just look like she was accusing him. Still, that comment had planted a seed in her head, and she planned to investigate.

Around an hour later, Zosia, Mo and Ollie were stood staring at the same file. The file of the patient supposed to have the stent implanted today.

'This could have been the surgery to put Darwin on the map.' Zosia shook her head, absolutely gutted for both herself and Jac. The others just nodded in agreement, all feeling the same. 'I just can't understand why anyone would want to leak this kind of information. It's just pure spite.'

'Yes well, unfortunately Miss Naylor has got a long list of people holding vendettas against her.' Ollie mused, leaning against the doorframe to the locker room.

'Dr March. A word in my office.' Jac commanded, as she walked past the trio. Mo and Ollie shared a sympathetic look with Zosia as she trailed after the woman.

Zosia shut the door behind her and headed to stand in front of Jac's desk. Zosia made note of the fact there was no chair on her side, as if Jac liked having people stand to attention in front of her. Which, Zosia thought, she probably did.

'I need an honest answer. Did you tell anyone about this stent? Not just about the idea, I mean the ins and outs. The specific details that set mine above the rest.'

'Just Arthur and Dom… They're the only ones I ever talk to about work. Well, talked to.' Zosia bowed her head, she was still trying to get used to talking about Arthur in the past tense. She absolutely hated it.

'That's it? No one else? You didn't leave stuff lying about for anyone to read?' Jac was trying to coax any little hint out of her, but was having no luck.

'No, I've been staying at Dad's for the last week, just trying to sort myself out. But I've been on my own, he flew out to Berlin the day after I arrived.' As she said this, Zosia's eyes widened making the connection. 'Shit.' She muttered under her breath. 'Jac I'm really-'

'Don't apologise. Just go prep for theatre. We've got a patient waiting.'

'You mean-?'

'You can observe. That's it. Our patient needs this operation, and I intend on giving it to him.' Jac stood from her desk and gestured for Zosia to leave her office.

'Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.' Zosia said quietly, noticing the pause Jac made, and the smile that graced her lips for only the briefest of moments.

'Wise words.' She nodded, and the pair made their way to theatre together.

The surgery was successful. For a moment it seemed like they were going to fail, but Zosia had a moment of genius and found a solution. Their patient had survived, and the stent was in place, functioning perfectly. Jac had just finished speaking with him, when Hanssen approached.

'Miss Naylor. A word.'

'Yes?'

'Please tell me you did not just disobey my direct orders.'

'Okay, I did not just disobey your direct orders.' Jac replied sarcastically. 'Before you start laying into me, let me just point out that we succeeded. The patient survived, and we smoothed out the difficulties Berlin were having with a small bit of common sense.'

'That's all very well, but what would have happened if your patient had died on the table? If you couldn't solve the problem?'

'That was never going to happen. It was me in there. I don't let things go wrong. Besides, I know who the leak was.' Hanssen's eye level raised, as he quirked his head in interest.

'Well, do tell.'

'Henrik, tell me, which senior member of staff headed off on a little jaunt across Europe last week? Did he happen to tell you where he was going?' Hanssen raised his stance to be even taller than his normal towering figure, and turned on his heels. Jac smiled to herself, as she grabbed her coat and bag from her office. Feeling positive and spontaneous she saw Zosia waiting for the lift.

'Dr March. Excellent work in theatre.'

'Thank you. Again, Miss Naylor I just wanted to apologise for my part in this whole debacle. If there is anything I can do to make it up to you, I promise I won't let you down again.' As Zosia said this she was picturing night shifts with boring patients and stacks of paperwork. Jac's answer shocked her.

'You can buy me a drink. After the past two weeks I've had I need to get to the point of intoxication where I don't even remember my own name.' Jac said determinedly. Maybe, just maybe, she'd get drunk to the point of forgetting everything, then she would wake up in the morning with recollection of the forty-eight hours she was missing. It was a long shot, but she was fed up of not knowing.

'I want to remember.' She looked at her colleague, and saw the wanting in her eyes. Zosia was pleased to see how determined Jac was. Hopefully tonight would make her remember. Maybe.


	12. Chapter 12

**I am so so so sorry for the delay in updating. I really have no excuse other than I am extremely lazy and a brilliant procrastinator. I hope you like this chapter though, think of it as an apology! I would suggest listening to the piece of music Remember Me by Thomas Bergersen, as it compliments this chapter wonderfully.**

A taxi pulled up outside a house. Two figures emerged, stumbling towards the door, snickering quietly. The taxi drove away. The front door was opened, and a light switched on. Beams flooded the pathway, outlining two silhouettes. The two figures were both women, hair tumbling down their backs. One woman's hair was straight as an arrow, the other had gentle waves. The latter woman tripped slightly as she entered the house, causing the other to laugh gently. The door slammed shut.

Coffee was brewed. Poured into mugs. Placed onto coasters. Sat in front of the two women who were glancing towards each other. Shy smiles. Laughter.

'I can't believe you of all people can be related to that arsehole.' One of the women chuckled, her red hair falling in front of her eyes as her head shook slightly. The brunette rolled her eyes.

'Don't even go there. For tonight I'm not. For tonight I will slag him off as much as you. He deserves it.' Her fingers clenched into a fist tension rising. The redhead eyed this and sighed slightly. It was clear both women were battling their own demons. Maybe this was what they needed to fight them. Silence filled the room for a minute or so.

'Jac, last week, when you were stood with a gun pointing towards you, I've never been that scared.' Zosia raised her eyes to meet the other woman's, emotion pouring out of them.

'I've had a court summons letter.' Jac sighed, glancing towards the pile of letters strewn across her kitchen counter. 'What use am I going to be in front of a jury when I can't remember a damn thing?' Tears of frustration and anger pooled in her eyes, as she sniffed. Zosia took a deep breath as she reached her hand across the small kitchen table. She left it next to Jac's giving her the opportunity to withdraw her own. Zosia gave it a few moments before gently grasping the other woman's hand. Jac placed her other hand over the two already entwined. 'I want to remember. I need to remember.' Her voice stern with determination. 'Tell me what happened. Everything. Maybe it will help.'

So Zosia did. She started from the moment she found out Arthur had passed. The emotion still so raw tears spilled down her own cheeks. It sobered both women up entirely, the wine consumed earlier nullified by the emotion. Zosia explained how the relationship between the two women had changed. How she had never felt complete until they had kissed. Her voice became somewhat monotone and her eyes fixed on a spot on the back wall as she retailed the events leading to Jac's amnesia. She tried to stay objective but couldn't help saying how frightened she had felt. Their hands remained clasped the whole time. Jac squeezing tight when Zosia started to cry. When Zosia's story ended they sat in the quiet, giving Jac a chance to digest the information.

'Well?' Zosia asked hopefully, staring at Jac. Seeing the optimism in Zosia's expression Jac stood from the table. 'Nothing.' Zosia sighed, answering herself. Jac turned away, calculating. She leant against her kitchen counter, breathing evenly, recalling the tale she had just been told. Zosia stood as well. Coming to lean against the wall opposite. The dim light radiating from a small lamp illuminated Jac's beauty incredibly. Her hair was sleek and had parted over each shoulder leaving the back of her neck exposed. Zosia stared at the pale skin willing herself to not feel the desire that was building up inside her. She was certain a blush had crept up her cheeks, and she felt guilty. The woman in front of her did not reciprocate those feelings. Or at least she could not remember. As if sensing the woman's thoughts, Jac turned and stared at Zosia, a small frown gracing her lips. She stepped towards her, closing the distance between them.

'This may sound crazy, but-' Jac began, to only be interrupted.

'It's ok. I mean, it's worth a shot.' Zosia nodded somewhat eagerly, fully aware her heart may be about to be broken. Jac took a deep breath, willing her hands to stop shaking, as she brought them up to Zosia's shoulders. An eerily familiar feeling seeped through her veins, as she squeezed gently. She was nervous. They both were. Zosia closed her eyes. Jac moved her head closer, her left hand moving to gently caress the other woman's jawline. She felt the involuntary shiver run over Zosia's body, exciting herself with the reaction she seemed to be earning. Everything felt familiar. The feel of Zosia's skin, the smell of the perfume from the top she had lent her, the slight freckle she had under her chin, barely visible. Jac had to be brave. Jac was brave. She performed pioneering surgeries on a regular basis, she had guts. But right now, she had never felt so apprehensive. So scared.

Zosia tipped her head slightly, parting her lips, eyes still closed. Jac took this as a signal to brave the storm. Their lips connected. It was like Jac's whole body had been set on fire. Like an electric current seeped through her veins, the tentative first connection replaced with a firm but assured pressure. Zosia's hands made their way into Jac's hair, twirling it around her fingers. Every feeling was flashing through Jac's brain, the familiarity making the fogs clear. Her own hands wrapped around Zosia's slim waist, revelling in the memories that were flashing in front of her closed eyes. After a few blissful moments she broke the kiss, nuzzling her face in the crook of Zosia's neck. She was smiling widely, tears once again falling down her cheeks. She rested her lips against Zosia's ear.

'I remember.'


	13. Chapter 13

What's that? A new chapter you say? So this is where this story is really starting to come into it's own…. I'm excited for the legal spin on it, and can't wait for it to get to court!

A slight gap in the cream curtains let a sunbeam stream into the room, illuminating the pair curled up in a blissful slumber. Zosia's nose was buried into the red mane in front of her, as she stirred slightly. She inhaled a familiar scent, and smiled.

'I can feel you smiling you know.' A slight murmur caused Zosia to open her eyes.

'How long have you been awake?' She asked, as her arm tightened around the woman in front.

'A while.' Jac replied, rolling over to face Zosia. 'I was just thinking.' This caused Zosia's brow to furrow slightly. 'Remembering.' The slight crease that had appeared on Zosia's forehead disappeared. 'We need to go to work.' Jac sighed as she said this, brushing her hand against Zosia's arm, squeezing it gently.

Zosia groaned into the pillow as Jac stood up. However this groan got caught in her throat as she noticed the state of undress her companion was in…

'Did no one ever tell you it was rude to stare Dr March?' Jac winked at her as she sauntered towards her wardrobe.

'I don't think my Dad ever got around to that one.' Zosia replied absentmindedly.

'Ok can we make it a rule that your Father is never mentioned in this room please?' Jac grimaced as she grabbed a towel and some underwear.

'Where are you going?' Zosia whined, sitting up, letting the sheet drop from her hands.

'To shower… Why? Want to join me?' Jac retorted, half sarcastic. She rolled her eyes when the brunette nodded. However she couldn't help the smile form on her lips when Zosia stood and walked towards her.

When they arrived at work, safe to say a little later than normal, both women had a slight pinkness to the cheeks. As Jac walked towards her office she noticed the man stood by her door.

'Yes?' She asked, standing in front of him, crossing her arms.

'The name's Clive Reader. QC.'

'Yes?' She repeated.

'I'm Mr Coulter's defence lawyer. Just wanted to introduce myself.' He looked around. 'Nice hospital.'

'I'm sorry, I still don't quite know why-' but Jac was interrupted.

'Clive what the hell are you doing here?' Jac's head turned towards the stern voice. This voice was accompanied by a pair of black stilettos, a smart black pencil skirt, a crisp white shirt, a blonde bun, and a very neat set of red lips.

'Just introducing myself to my star witness.' Jac didn't like the look of this guy. Smarmy was the word that came to mind.

'Irony doesn't suit you Clive. Back off.' The blonde seemed to have an effect on the man, as he turned on his heel and headed for the door. Jac turned her attention towards the woman. 'Sorry about him. Unfortunately he's always like that. Martha Costello. QC. Your prosecution lawyer.' Martha held her hand out, and Jac shook it. 'Shall we?' Miss Costello gestured towards the door. Jac was silent as she unlocked her door and sat on the sofa in her office.

'I should tell you, I don't normally take prosecution cases. However, the CPS sent this one my way as I've dealt with Mr Coulter before, plus I'm from the same chambers as Mr Confident.' She hitched a thumb behind her shoulder, indicating the man Jac had encountered earlier.

'You've seen Seb before?' Jac asked, a bit overwhelmed with the sudden legal presence in her office.

'It was a minor harassment charge, I prosecuted, but there was very limited evidence so he got away Scott free. Right now, I'm just here to introduce myself, and make sure you are aware of what's going to happen over the next few weeks.'

The two women were interrupted by a knock at the door.

'Jac, I was just wondering if you-' Zosia pushed the door open and was surprised to see two women sat together on the sofa. 'Oh sorry, I didn't realise you had company.' She couldn't quite keep the ice out of her voice. Jac had to hide a small smile as she replied.

'Zosia, this is Martha Costello, my – well our – lawyer.'

'Ah, Dr March. You were second on my list to visit this morning. Please, take a seat.' Martha smiled warmly, as she gestured next to her for the woman to sit down. Jac raised her eyebrows slightly at how much she didn't feel in control. This never happened. Especially in her own office. 'As I was saying, I'm here to make you aware of what will be happening over the next few weeks. Tomorrow is the plea hearing. Neither of you have to be present, but you can come if you wish to. It is unlikely he will plead guilty, from what I can gather from Clive he seems adamant that you are making up everything.' This caused Jac and Zosia to share a bemused look. 'I know, it's ridiculous. You have the wounds, and then there's the CCTV. That's really all I needed to say at the minute, I just needed to meet you myself. I need to be certain I can put you up on that stand and you can explain what happened.' She looked at the both of them as she said this.

'You mean I have to relive it all again?' Zosia whispered, closing her eyes. Jac reached out a hand to comfort her love. Martha eyed this closely.

'Is there something I need to be made aware of?' She raised her eyebrows as she looked between the two women. Jac just nodded, not saying anything. 'Right. Thank you for being honest. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go and deal with a certain idiotic man.'

She stood to leave, and grabbed her handbag. Jac slid along the sofa to be next to Zosia, and gave her a quick one armed hug.

'Thank you.' She gave a grateful nod towards the lawyer. Somehow she knew this was quite possibly the best lawyer available. Miss Costello would make it a fair fight. Martha turned back and held the door open slightly.

'See you in court.' Bobbing her head in a small show of respect, she let the door slam shut.


	14. Chapter 14

As predicted, Seb pleaded not guilty. Although Jac and Zosia were rather miffed at having to not only relive everything that happened, but having to miss work to do so, they were prepared. Martha Costello had ensured they were ready to take to the stand. Two weeks after the day of the plea hearing, the trial was due to start. Jac looked herself up and down in the floor length mirror before her. Martha had suggested she dressed for the kill. Her advice for being on the stand was for Jac to 'give as good as she gets'. So, Jac had dressed accordingly. High waist black trousers, with a white chiffon shirt tucked into them, covered by a smart black blazer, fitted to her slim figure. Jac analysed herself in the mirror. She looked professional, but also normal. Her head turned towards the door to her bedroom as Zosia entered.

Zosia had opted for a charcoal grey knee length dress, which she had paired with a blazer similar to Jac's. Zosia sat in front of Jac's dressing table and twisted her ponytail into a neat bun. Securing it with bobby pins and another hair bobble, she smiled at the redhead behind her.

'This time next week we'll be done. He'll be out of our lives. I promise.' Zosia turned to face Jac as she said this, reaching for her hands. Jac tried to smile, but couldn't quite muster up the energy. She was absolutely petrified… Not about seeing Seb or anything, more about the standing in front of a courtroom and having to somewhat deceive them. The issue was, although she remembered most of the events leading up to the incident, she was still missing the memory of the actual event itself. However, no one else knew this. Sensing Jac's nerves, Zosia rose from her seat and engulfed her in a long hug. They were interrupted by a small figure tapping them both on the leg.

'Mummy?' Emma looked up at her mother and held her arms out to be picked up. Jac obliged, taking the small girl in her arms and squeezing her tight.

'We need to get you to play school miss!' Jac grinned at her daughter, brushing the girl's fringe out of her eyes. 'We also need to get you a haircut soon! Right, can you go downstairs with Zosia for me? I'll be down in a minute.' She handed her daughter over to Zosia, and smiled as Emma poked her tongue out. Zosia returned the gesture, as they exited the room.

Jac ran a hairbrush through her locks again, taking steadying breaths as she did so. This was it.

Half an hour later Martha Costello stormed into Holby Crown Court. She tutted impatiently as she passed through security, and headed straight towards her clients. The pair of women smiled at her, but Martha did not return it.

'We have a problem. Follow me.' Martha led them into a side room. 'The CCTV. It's gone.'

'What?' Jac and Zosia exclaimed together, eyes going wide.

'I had a call from one of the police officers yesterday evening. He was supposed to go and pick up the hard copy from the hospital yesterday morning, but when he got there it was gone.'

'You cannot be telling me that the hard copy was the only version.' Jac was not happy.

'That's exactly what I'm saying. I share an office with Clive, I didn't want him looking at the stuff I was working on, so I've been working this case from home. The only time I saw that CCTV was when I visited you two before the plea hearing. I stopped by the security office on my way out. Why the police didn't have their own copy, I don't know.' Martha explained as she sat at the table in the middle of the room. 'However, this is not the end of the world. You've got the injury. We've got the forensic evidence. We've got your testimonies. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get changed. I'll see you in there. Zosia, you're up first. So you stay out here. Jac you can watch from the gallery.' With that, she left the room.

'It's ok. We know what happened. The jury will make the right call.' Zosia placed her hands on Jac's shoulders and tried to calm her down. Jac shook her off.

'Yeah. Look, I better get in there.' Jac exited the room as well, and headed for the courtroom. This was not good. Things were going very wrong, and Jac was getting a horrible sinking feeling in her stomach.

'Members of the jury. Over the next few days you will hear evidence and testimonies from several people. Some will say the defendant is guilty, others will try to argue he is not. Miss Naylor is a well-respected cardiothoracic surgeon at Holby City hospital. On the 11th of June 2016 the defendant entered Holby City hospital wielding a very dangerous weapon. He entered Miss Naylor's ward, looking for Zosia March. Both Miss Naylor and Dr March were present when the defendant shot Miss Naylor, who suffered life threatening injuries, and who will have to live with the memories of such a shocking event for the rest of her life. It is your job as the jury to reach a verdict, and for that to be guilty, you need to be sure beyond reasonable doubt. I will be proving to you that there is no doubt the defendant is guilty of grievous bodily harm, and urge you to return a verdict of the same.' Martha nodded at the jury, then to the judge before she sat. She turned slightly to face the public gallery, and winked at Jac.

Jac breathed a sigh of relief. So far so good. She half listened as Clive Reader gave his opening speech. He focussed a lot on the burden of proof, and how the jury needed to be sure beyond reasonable doubt that Seb was guilty. He urged them to follow the evidence closely and ended by saying it is not the defendant's job to prove he is not guilty, it is the prosecution's job to prove he is guilty.

'Your honour, I call my first witness, Dr Zosia March.' Martha stood. The usher exited the courtroom and a few moments later, returned with a very nervous looking Zosia. Well, she looked nervous to Jac, but probably not so much to anyone else.

'Dr March, if you could place your right hand on the bible in front of you and repeat after me.' The usher guided her to do so. 'I swear by almighty God.'

'I swear by almighty God.' Zosia spoke clearly and eloquently.

'That the evidence I shall give shall be the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.'

'That the evidence I shall give shall be the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.' Zosia took her hand off of the bible and turned her attention to Martha. This was it.

 **Hope you enjoyed this chapter! If you did, feel free to drop me a review, they really do make my day!**


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